In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Never joke about your clitoris.
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