Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
