I got chris browned last night
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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