why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize