the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Shame - the story of my life.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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