Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize