Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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