I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
do nipples grow back?
Randomize