He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I AM VODKA MAN
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize