All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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