I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
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i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
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I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
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