After last night, I could never be a politician.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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