Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
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You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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