Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize