I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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