'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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