Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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