Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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