It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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Watching her eat just hurts me
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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