Say something about gay babies.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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