You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
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I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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