tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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