I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize