I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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