When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize