I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
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He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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