So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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