His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
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You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
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It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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