It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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