your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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