how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Randomize