it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
And then he peed in my hair
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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