you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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