I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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