Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize