I hate your face
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
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I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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