remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
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