i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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