She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize