It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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