Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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