very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
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He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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