walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
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I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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