I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
