Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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