he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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