Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize