so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
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bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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