All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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