I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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