I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
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i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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